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Movie Reviews

King Solomon’s Mines (1985)
King Solomon's Mines is a poor-man's substitute for the comparatively dazzling craftsmanship of the Lucas/Spielberg collaborations.”
Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987)
Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold has been filmed and released but it's not in completed form, the final product is so laughably bad that it would make a great drinking-game, if it weren't sure to induce a state of comatose.”
Hercules (2014)
“There are movies that attempt to broaden the boundaries of their respective genre, Hercules is not one of these pictures. It is content to stay within the outlined perimeters and moves confidently from scene to scene, without ever stamping home a moment of authenticity or giving the audience a character to relate with. This makes Milius' Conan the Barbarian look like Alexander Nevsky (1938) in comparison.”

The Expendables 3 (2014)
“The third trip to the well, proves the most fruitful for this group of aging mesomorphs, led by the perpetually pumped Sylvester Stallone. Those worn-out from the ongoing bombardment of superhero tales, will most likely be re-energized by this manically frenzied shoot 'em up, that has been trimmed to PG-13 and now resembles a saturday morning live action-cartoon.”
Bad Ass 2: Bad Asses (2014)
“What can be said about Bad Ass 2, other than the necessary information that I was throughly entertained and laughed? The plot exists to be discarded, the characters are deliberately written as cartoons, the fight scenes are clearly doubles, and the dialogue is self deprecating and referential. So it's a dumb movie, at least it has the decency to be fun and brief.”
Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
“The writing is superior in that each reincarnation of Cruise gives us a bit more on the back-end and cuts out the exposition, nothing feels redundant in a movie that is essentially about redundancy. Emily Blunt is attractive and great choice for the Military's propaganda led poster-girl, her war hero Rita would kick the shit out of Katniss.”

10 to Midnight (1983)
“Is it as bad a Ebert suggested? I don't think so. The production values are on the level and Bronson is laid-back but not lethargic (as in his next few movies), 10 to Midnight is arguably the most polished of the Thompson/Cannon films era.”
The Crow (1994)
“...the look, style and energy are so sensational that the film leaps off the screen at times, engulfing the viewer in the filmmaker's vision of a semi-futuristic and hellish society of psychopaths, impotent authority figures and the stunning charisma of its star.”
The Crow: City of Angels (1996)
The Crow: City of Angels is one of the worst sequels ever produced and show theatrically in this country. This is a stunning fall from from the creative heights of the first film, almost nothing works in this limp follow-up, which apparently was slashed down from 160 minutes to its current length of 84 minutes.”

Millennium (1989)
Millennium is a shabby looking science-fiction thriller with little creativity and jumbled direction from one-time ace helmer Michael Anderson. Since Hollywood is insistent on remaking older good movies, why not take a shot at retelling this travesty?”
A Gangster’s Word (2013)
A Gangster's Word is a disjointed mess of a movie with unruly story threads and developments that go nowhere. This meshing of all the worst elements from Dangerous Minds, 187, and a lifetime feature results in a suffering affair for anyone with 80 minutes to donate.”
Starship: Rising (2014)
“If I had to describe Starship: Rising by using other films I'd say it's equal parts Star Wars: Episode II, I, Frankenstein and Atlas Shrugged, all of which I consider too history/mythos oriented. Setting up a full fledged world is great, being sure we have a story to tell is better.”

Hercules Reborn (2014)
Hercules Reborn is actually quite good, enough so that with a few more solidly watchable outings like this, Asylum may be able to graduate from their messy rep as the house of low-budget guilty pleasure regurgitations into Lionsgate territory.”
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)
“The fifth Spiderman movie in the last 12 years is actually the best since that original back in the summer of 2002. This absolutely smashing sequel does the seemingly impossible (or at least improbable) feat of besting all the other superhero movies of the year, rendering the previous film irrelevant, and creating genuine excitement for the oncoming third installment of this reboot trilogy.”
The Other Woman (2014)
The Other Woman is a shamefully unfunny comedy that casts two normally appealing actresses and then squander their respective talents on bargain basement physical and verbal antics. If the opening montage set to Etta James' Sunday Kind of Love isn't a tip-off of the routine nature of the film, then the following 100 minutes will be a pleasant surprise to you.”

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