Stash House (2012) – Review

2 Stars

Dave Nash surprises his wife Emma with the home of her dreams. He got it for a steal of a price as well. The place comes equipped with a top notch security system with motion tracking cameras and thumbprint key entry. Unfortunately for the Nashes they discover a stash of heroin in the walls, and when two men show up to stop them from contacting the authorities, they take shelter in the bullet proof and impenetrable house. But these men are determined to get in, even after the Nashes hand over the drugs. What could they possibly want? Dave and Emma have to move fast if they’re going to uncover the secrets contained in the Stash House. It’s the only way they will survive.

Stash House starts off with a well directed and promising first act, but soon dwindles into a mindless series of low resolution black and white security camera shots that essentially turn the second act into a found footage film. Finally it ends in a messy and lengthy third act that meanders about until reaching the appropriate hour and a half running time. The second act is so incredibly boring, consisting of many shots of Dolph Lundgren and his associate, played by Jon Huertas, shining flashlights over every inch of the outside of the house. The movie slows to a crawl as Lundgren and Huertas argue with each other, try to talk their way into the house and in general do about as well (although without the comedy) as the Wet Bandits from Home Alone in accomplishing their goals.

Meanwhile Dave and Emma are just too stupid to make any escape from two guys that they can watch like hawks with their security cameras. The end of the second act picks up slightly as the new homeowners discover the secret in their house and the film returns to a more cinematic approach to film-making. But the third act is too dumb for words, it’s at this point you actually wish Lundgren would get away with his crimes and just kill off the Nashes. Anyone that can’t get away from a psychopathic killer while the cops are crawling all around them deserves to die.

The greatest aspect of Stash House, and the only good thing the film has going for it, is the actors. The casting is perfect. Sean Faris and Briana Evigan look like a young couple trying to buy their first home. You know they’re the good guys at first glance, nothing about them rubs you the wrong way. Jon Huertas is convincing as the quicker to violence of the two “Wet Bandits”. As always though it’s the underused Dolph Lundgren that turns in the greatest performance. As I stated, by the end of the film you want him to be victorious. His measured and restrained responses play into his nice guy attitude, until he gets you in his grasp. Lundgren has a very menacing look to him and works well as a bad guy. It’s unfortunate that this talent had such a poorly written script to work from, and even more unfortunate is how that script was executed to the screen.

Director: Eduardo Rodriguez
Stars: Dolph Lundgren, Briana Evigan, Sean Faris, Jon Huertas

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