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You are browsing the archive for Reviews.

Stormhouse (2011) – Review

February 22, 2012 in Horror, Reviews

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1 Star

Stormhouse is a Sphere meets The Excorcist low-budget science fiction horror flick. 11 months before the invasion of Iraq the British government has imprisoned a supernatural entity in an underground base called Stormhouse. After loosing contact with the spirit they bring in ghost whisperer Hayley Sands. But her involvement proves deadly as the entity escapes, wreaking havoc on the base. Who will make it out alive?
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The Saints of Mt. Christopher (2011) – Review

February 22, 2012 in Drama, Reviews

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1 Star

The Saints of Mt. Christopher is like Hoosiers if Dito Montiel was directing. It’s a jumbled maddening film occasionally punctuated by a good scene that doesn’t ever build toward a satisfying climax. Scenes aren’t cut together so much as jammed into one another with jarring incompetence. Recognizable faces, such as the oft wonderful Clifton Powell and the always interesting Tom Sizemore, are limited to playing caricatures of roles they previously portrayed in far better movies. To suggest this is a sports film in the tradition of Remember the Titans (as the cover art suggests) is as bold a proclamation as you’re likely to hear all year.
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All Things Fall Apart (2011) – Review

February 22, 2012 in Drama, Family, Reviews

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3 1/2 Stars

Curtis ’50 Cent’ Jackson sheds his tough guy persona to portray a college football star suddenly brought to his knees from cancer. It’s a startling transformation the rapper turned actor has made in losing a reported 40lbs to play the title role, in a fictional story he co-scripted with Brian A. Miller. I have been of the opinion that Jackson is an underrated screen talent and here when paired against the class acts of Lynn Whitfield and Mario Van Peebles, he holds his own. That this tale of tragedy and quasi-redemption is any good is even more surprising.
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Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury (2011) – Review

February 21, 2012 in Comedy, Reviews

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3 Stars

Let me get it out of the way upfront, I laughed frequently throughout this spoof of a movie within a movie. I didn’t expect much from the comedic duo of Kevin Sorbo and Danny Trejo, neither man had proven to have even limited gifts in the arena of comedy. Sorbo is a revelation. His deadpan delivery amongst zaniness was first glimpsed in Meet the Spartans, but here Sorbo is more at ease and has better writing to work from. This peculiar sketch film is part Tropic Thunder and a bit Black Dynamite, if those were directed by the Zucker Brothers and Wayans.
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A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (2011) – Review

February 21, 2012 in Comedy, Reviews

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2 1/2 Stars

A third round of spaced out hijinks from the maestros of marijuana, only this go around is holiday themed. Harold and Kumar are estranged after life has taken them in very different directions. Kumar is a med school drop out content with smoking his days away, while unburned with the knowledge he is to be a father in nine months time. Harold is a reformed stoner now married to a latin woman and desperately trying to conceive a baby. The intervening years haven’t been kind to the pot smoking duo each has a new best friend that serves to irritate and cause jealousy amongst the other. The silly plot involves the Christmas Eve search for a twelve foot tree to replace the one Kumar burnt down with a joint delivered from Santa. It’s that kind of movie.
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Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace 3D (2012) – Review

February 20, 2012 in Action, Family, Reviews, SciFi

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3 Stars

To 3d or not to see? That is the 12 dollar question for most casual moviegoers. The answer is …sort of. If you already harbor a disdain for this episode then no amount of visual trickery is going to change your mind. The negative critical reaction that greeted Phantom Menace when it premiered in May 1999 was as venomous as any in recent memory. Fanboys turned their back on the venerable franchise and focused their attention on the ‘fresh’ ideas presented by The Matrix.
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Jack and Jill (2011) – Review

February 20, 2012 in Comedy, Family, Reviews

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1 1/2 Stars

The newest Adam Sandler vehicle cast the popular comedian in dual roles. Playing both a male and female character, Sandler goes the route of other comedians like Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence and Dustin Hoffman in playing a homely woman. However in this instance his alter-ego Jill is a Jewish New Yorker prone to negativity and constant befuddlement with technology and Southern California culture. Sandler speaks in a nasally high pitch that recalls the voice he used on his platinum selling comedy album They’re All Going to Laugh at You back before he was a movie star.
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Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991) – Review

February 19, 2012 in Reviews, SciFi

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4 Stars

Of all movies in the original Star Trek saga the Nicolas Meyer directed films are not only the best written in the series, they are also the most polished in terms of film-making. In the thrilling second installment we were introduced to the greatest villain in the franchise with Khan. Much like the James Bond films each Star Trek chapter is defined by the villain to an extent. And with this entry we are given General Chang one of the all-time great bad guys and with the performance by Christopher Plummer we have arguably the classiest thespian to ever enter the Trek universe.
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Hard Rain (1998) – Review

February 19, 2012 in Action, Reviews

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2 1/2 Stars

There was a brief moment in the mid 1990s when Christian Slater was being sold as (possibly) the next action star. Certainly in the wake of Keanu Reeves career making a turn in Speed and with action vets Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Seagal and Van Damme in career free fall studio heads began the search for an apt replacement. During this period we were treated to the goofy screen charms of Howie Long in Firestorm and Christian Slater in Hard Rain. To be fair Slater was a mini sensation after the surprising box office performance of 1996s Broken Arrow.
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Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986) – Review

February 19, 2012 in Reviews, SciFi

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3 1/2 Stars

A funny word kept creeping into my mind as I watched Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, ‘whimsical’. The goofy story involves a ton of whimsy and humor in turning the Star Trek formula and series on its head. Having only a vague connection to the other films in the franchise, this entry serves as a side story with no real bearing other than to have some fun with these very well-known characters. After facing trial for his actions in the last installment, namely stealing a starship, Kirk is demoted from Admiral to Captain and given back control of the Enterprise. This well crafted sequel is all action in an elongated opening sequence set in space. But when the Enterprise crew returns to 20th century Earth to save the almost extinct whales, the story perks up, takes on a good humored, emotional dimension and soars.
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Last Man Standing (2011) – Review

February 8, 2012 in Drama, Reviews

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2 Stars

In Last Man Standing happy suburban wife, mother and ex-special-ops agent Abby Collin’s past is about to resurface and haunt her. She’s done all she can to keep her past a secret from her family, except her amazing computer skills (who’d wanna hide that?). But after her husband gets kidnapped the cat’s out of the bag, and kitty has claws. Abby does everything in her power to keep her family safe while trying to stay ahead of the clock and meet the kidnapper’s demands. Using her mad computer skills of unplugging wires and plugging them back in someplace else, she is forced to steal money from her recently deceased ex-teammate. With the help of the only other man in her now-defunct unit and the cops hot on her trail, will Abby solve the mystery of who’s behind this scheme? My money’s on the star and producer of the film, Catherine Bell, coming out a successful hero.
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Metal Shifters (2011) – Review

February 8, 2012 in Horror, Reviews, SciFi

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1 Star

Originally titled Iron Invader, but more appropriately renamed Metal Shifters this flick opens with brothers Jake and Ethan doing some light construction when they spot a falling meteor crashing to Earth. After investigating the meteor turns out to be a pile of metal junk with some green paint (or alien bacteria as the movie suggests) smeared on it. They decide to sell it to the old man in the junkyard, who happens to be welding together a large robot statue that he explains is a golem (what great foreshadowing). Soon the blood thirsty green paint alien bacteria is possessing the statue and chasing down every victim in sight. Who will survive to stop this behemoth?
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The Thing (2011) – Review

February 7, 2012 in Horror, Reviews, SciFi

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1 1/2 Stars

The Thing starts off with a fantastic pre title sequence, full of tension, spectacle and a forbidding sense of isolation. It then proceeds to dissipate that great opening and is content to rest on its laurels for the rest of the way. It’s a lazy effort that is both overly familiar and boring for large stretches of its drawn out running-time. To be fair this isn’t a sequel or reboot to the John Carpenter film but yet a prequel. In actuality it most closely resembles an Alien film with a determined heroine stalking about strapped with a flame thrower. Featuring a nearly all Norwegian cast this is practically a foreign film, the characters aren’t defined clearly through the script and the cast of smiliar looking actors only adds to the confusion. Even Joel Edgerton, who was so magnetic in Warrior, is rendered ineffective and bland in this his second feature film.
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Deathfight (1994) – Review

February 6, 2012 in Action, Reviews

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2 Stars

Deathfight is aimed at undiscriminating fans of Martial Arts B-movies. Even so the script is horrendous and the dialogue is unbearable. The saving grace of the film is the unique screen presence of Aussie karate master and action hero Richard Norton. Here he plays a wealthy business man falsely accused of murdering his mistress. Imprisoned and left to fend for himself Jack befriends a jailhouse snitch nicknames who serves as the film’s sidekick for the rest of the running time. The story is the usual nonsense involving two warring brothers and a bid to gain control of a Bangkok corporation. In truth there isn’t much in the death or fighting department for a film with both words in the title.
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2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) – Review

February 6, 2012 in Action, Horror, Reviews, SciFi

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1 Star

A group of students aboard a U.S. educational vessel on a ocean trip to study aquatic life discover the presence of the ultra rare and extra vicious 2 headed shark of the title. After an intial encounter with the sea beast causes damage to their vessel the students and their teacher abandon the ship for refuge on a deserted atoll. However, said land mass is suffering from some serious seismic activity, the ground seems to be opening up before them. Forcing these marooned students to enter the dangerous ocean waters in order to make it back aboard the ship they abandoned in the first place. If that seems a little redundant it’s appropriate as this whole movie borrows stock footage from other Asylum films to pad the stretched out plot points.
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Shark Night (2011) – Review

February 3, 2012 in Horror, Reviews

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1 Star

Shark Night opens with a tiring classic homage to Steven Spielberg’s JAWS and then promptly forgets about sharks for the next twenty-five minutes. During this stint of time a group of college kids head out to a lake house in the Louisiana Gulf, conveniently cut off from cell phone access (if those pesky cell phones ever worked they’d ruin most horror flicks these days). Many bikini shots, CGI sharks and a twist with the locals later we end with a “thank you” (more like a “thank God”). Got it? Good. Now let’s tear this up with three rows of critically sharp teeth.
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Underworld: Awakening (2012) – Review

February 2, 2012 in Action, Horror, Reviews

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2 1/2 Stars

The fourth installment in the Underworld series finds the world of vampires and lycans encroached upon by humans. After discovering the existence of both inhuman species, mankind decides to hunt them down and obliterate them in what they call The Purge. Selene is captured and Michael’s whereabouts are unknown. She awakens (hence the title, which tells you how deep this movie’s gonna get) years later from a frozen state in a science lab. An unknown entity known as Subject 2 frees her and runs. Now Selene must adapt to this new world, and find Subject 2 if she is to locate her hybrid vampire and lycan lover Michael.
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Midnight Chronicles (2010) – Review

February 2, 2012 in Action, Family, Horror, Reviews, SciFi

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2 1/2 Stars

Midnight Chronicles is a curiously low-key, yet ambitiously mounted medieval drama with the complex mythology of a cable miniseries mixed with the off beat style of David Lynch’s eccentric Dune adaptation. Audience members not familiar with the source material may not recognize this film as having an association to the Dungeons and Dragons role playing game Midnight. It’s telling that the producers didn’t use the D&D moniker anywhere in the title. Perhaps it was a conscious effort to distance this movie from the horrendous previous films that have fallen under that banner. Whatever the case, Midnight Chronicles is a better picture that strains to tell its elaborate story within the limitations of its obviously inadequate budget.
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Tactical Force (2011) – Review

February 2, 2012 in Action, Reviews

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3 Stars

Steve Austin has been carving out a sizable niche in the direct to DVD action film market, and Tactical Force is his latest offering to the masses or at least WWE enthusiasts. At first glance this movie seems like it could be another low budget entry into the SWAT franchise. It’s not. It is a Die Hard-esque B-movie with a wearhouse supplanting Nakatomi tower and instead of terrorists we get warring factions of ethnic mafia members. Tactical Force is the kind of movie that will play on male oriented cable channels like Spike and FX for years to come.
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Mission: Impossible (1996) – Review

February 2, 2012 in Action, Reviews

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3 Stars

Brain De Palma’s big screen incarnation of the venerable 1960′s television show arrived in theaters riding a wave of promotional hype. A high concept premise with roots to older audiences starring a proven box office draw (a mixture that proved successful for The Fugitive) had summer ticket buyers expecting a balls out action extravaganza. So inevitably audiences were greatly disappointed when Mission: Impossible turned out to be a quiet almost cerebral thriller more akin to 1970′s government paranoia thrillers like The Parallax View than the Bond films.
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Operation: Endgame (2010) – Review

February 1, 2012 in Action, Reviews

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3 Stars

A man shows up for his first day on the job as a government spy and is taken into a deep underground bunker known as The Factory. Within its walls are housed government documents on everything the Bush administration has done that are guarded by two teams of operatives overseen by The Devil. During the Obama inauguration The Devil is assassinated, the fortress goes into lock-down and sets to self destruct. Now he must find the killer and stop the countdown, or die trying. Given the operative name The Fool (everyone’s named after Tarot cards) the teams begin picking each other off one by one as they search for a way out. Explosions, blood and laughs ensue.
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The Double (2011) – Review

February 1, 2012 in Action, Drama, Reviews

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2 Stars

The Double is a low grade spy thriller that purports that Russian spies are trying to attack the US, and that throughout the years this has resulted in a ridiculous amount of assassinations. The latest being that of a US senator on US soil. These killings are all believed to be the work of one man known only as Cassius. Paul Shepherdson (Richard Gere) is a long retired CIA operative, but now he’s being brought back to help search for the man he spent his career trying to find. Teamed with Ben Geary (Topher Grace), a young FBI agent who has devoted his career to profiling Cassius, they must track down the man everyone thought to be dead.
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Kickboxer 4: The Aggressor (1994) – Review

February 1, 2012 in Action, Reviews

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2 1/2 Stars

The third sequel to the popular 1990′s chop ‘em up low rent Kickboxer franchise is a pretty fun ride that serves as a great example of b-movie filmmaking during that era. Disregarding the exploits of the third entry this fourth film is a direct sequel to the events from part 2, are you still with me champ? David Sloane has been framed in a sketchy setup and is currently serving time in a state penitentiary. While incarcerated the villainous Tong Po (the heavily scarred kickboxing ace from the original) has kidnapped Sloane’s wife with the intention of imprisoning her at his hacienda deep within Mexico for his personal sexual amusement. The D.A. comes to Sloane and offers him a temporary parole if he agrees to travel across the border and participate in a fight tournament being held at Tong Po’s compound. So Sloane reluctantly agrees to enter the competion while secretly planning to free his enslaved wife and kill Tong Po.
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Contraband (2012) – Review

January 26, 2012 in Action, Reviews

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2 1/2 Stars

Mark Wahlberg returns to the screen for the first time since his turn as Mickey Ward in the Oscar nominated Fighter. Unfortunately Contraband is nowhere near as high class an affair. It’s an overly familiar so called action thriller with one of the strangest references to famed painter Jackson Pollock I’ve ever seen in a movie.
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Witness to a Kill (2001) – Review

January 26, 2012 in Action, Reviews

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3 Stars

Gary Daniels makes a smashing James Bond-esque secret agent in the very under rated (and little seen) B-movie gem titled Diamond Cut Diamond or Witness to a Kill, depending on what region of the world you live in. Here he plays Anthony Strong, an SAS leader and queens messenger. Strong had been assigned to accompany a German girl to South Africa on a diplomatic mission, however upon their arrival in the exotic location they are quickly targeted by a group of assassins working for a diabolical mercenary known as The Wolf. It turns out that The Wolf is in the diamond smuggling trade and business is good. He plans on overthrowing the current government, that is until Captain Strong throws a wrench in the scheme.
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Legend of the Sea (2012) – Review

January 26, 2012 in Family, Reviews

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3 Stars

Legend of the Sea is a Korean animated film that has been kicking about for a while before being recast with American actors in a bid to cash in on some of that lucrative childrens’ home video market. The fact that it’s a charming little sucker with cute touches like a prawn army that makes up the imperial guard only adds to it’s offbeat appeal. The Eastern Sea has been peaceful under the reign of the Dragon King, that’s about to change when the evil octopus Ocho is freed from her banishment and unleashes her vengence upon the kingdom. Draco, the prince, is the only one who knows of her plans and leaps into action to stop her. The story also involves the search for and protection of a luminous pearl. The theme is one of peace and prosperity, if you missed that, don’t worry the characters chant that very phrase no less than five times in the closing scenes.
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Abelar: Tales of an Ancient Empire (2010) – Review

January 25, 2012 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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1 Star

Albert Pyun’s Tales of an Ancient Empire is the biggest cinematic letdown of this young year and I fear it will end up on my worst of list next December. Not familiar with Pyun’s work? I’ll bet you’ve seen at least one of his movies on cable sometime during the last thirty years. Pyun’s biggest hits include Cyborg, Nemesis, and The Sword and the Sorcerer. If those titles don’t ring a bell than surely the names Charlie Sheen, Jean Claude Van Damme, Steven Seagal, Rutger Hauer and Christopher Lambert are recognizable. These are just a handful of big names Pyun has worked with in the course of a career spanning three decades. Seemingly every actor ever assembled for a Pyun film makes an appearance in Tales of an Ancient Empire, the reported semi-sequel to The Sword and the Sorcerer.
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Rage (2010) – Review

January 19, 2012 in Horror, Reviews

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3 Stars

Rage opens in a nice quiet suburban neighborhood. Dennis Twist says goodbye to his wife as he heads into town. Aside from breaking up with his mistress the day is relatively normal and relaxed. That is until a motorcyclist targets Dennis for unknown reasons. The situation continues to escalate with each run in as Dennis’ very survival becomes questionable. Unable to go to the police, as it would out his affair to his wife, Dennis tries to lose the tail. Who is this helmeted pursuer? His ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend? How far will this concealed maniac’s rage drive him?
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Hunted by Night (2010) – Review

January 18, 2012 in Action, Reviews

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2 1/2 Stars

Hunted by Night is a straightforward action-er about a group of friends who stumble across millions of recently dropped bails of drugs while on a hunting trip. An argument ensues as to if the trio should take the drugs and run, or leave them as surely the people these bails were meant for will come looking for them. Two of the friends decide to secretly gather the bails, against the protests of the other. Unfortunately that decision brings on the wrath of a cartel that will stop at nothing to regain their property.
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Rambo: Extended Cut (2008) – Review

January 18, 2012 in Action, Reviews

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3 Stars

I was so impressed with Rambo 4 upon my initial viewing that I had great expectations for this extended edition. Unfortunately I’m sorry to report that this version is a slower developing, less impactful and overall duller variation. I can understand the idea behind going back and tweaking the film, however the extra time devoted to deepening character development and additional dialogue do nothing for the story or pace of the film.
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