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The Cabin in the Woods (2011) – Review

April 24, 2012 in Horror, Reviews, SciFi

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1 1/2 Stars

The Cabin in the Woods gets one thing right, it has a great title. One that evokes all sorts of nightmare scenarios, unfortunately thats about all I can commend this horror comedy for. Part satire, part homage, and very boring is a more accurate description of the impact this annoyingly smug little film had on me. Director Drew Goddard working from a screenplay co-written by Joss Whedon, is responsible for this outlandish tale that starts like most films in the genre but has far greater aspirations. That the film is entirely unsuccessful has partially to do with the fact that Goddard and Whedon, try to cram too much into what appears to be a low-budget thriller. Tonally the film is a mess, it wants to have it both ways. Are we supposed to laugh at the knowing winks to genre conventions or be startled by the routine slasher moments? In the end I was not impressed or entertained by either.
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Hercules (1983) – Review

March 12, 2012 in Action, Family, Reviews, SciFi

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1 1/2 Stars

Hulking mesomorph Lou Ferrigno, grunts and flexes his way through the title role in this ridiculous space epic. Hercules appears to be a Conan-clone but this Cannon Films production owes as much to Star Wars and Superman than Schwarzenegger’s barbarian. Ferrigno battles various villains and monsters in his quest to rescue a princess. The absurd screenplay is a mockery to Greek mythology, and the film is rife with effects more suited to a SCI-FI picture.
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In Time (2011) – Review

March 8, 2012 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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2 Stars

In Time has a great premise, a handful of good scenes, and an effective production design yet it still manages to be a let down. Director and writer Andrew Niccol, who fared so well with Gattica, disappoints with this sci-fi tale set in the future. Time is the new currency in this era and the population is genetically altered to stop aging at 25 years old. After that point you must work to gain time which in turn extends life spans. As I had stated, it is a fantastic premise. However, this film quickly loses momentum and becomes deathly slow for what at times is a rudimentary chase film. Niccol has fashioned his tale into an obvious parable to today’s economic troubles and the unbalanced relationships among the 99% and the 1%.
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Conquest (1983) – Review

March 7, 2012 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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2 1/2 Stars

Conquest is a little seen Italian import from famed horror director Lucio Fulci. It takes place during a time of darkness in the once peaceful land of Cronos. The demon sorceress Ocron controls the sun and threatens to bend all to her savage will. The only hope lies with LLias and Maxz, two warriors who have boldly set forth to Ocron’s dark territory to destroy her.
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Yakuza Weapon (2011) – Review

February 29, 2012 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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3 Stars

Yakuza Weapon is the latest bizarre import from cult Japanese filmmakers Tak Sakaguchi and Yûdai Yamaguchi. If you’re not familiar with their work let me run down a list of past titles, Battlefield Baseball, Samurai Zombie, and Meatball Machine. Sakaguchi and Yamaguchi’s latest collaboration is an outlandish fantasy with odd bits of humor, raunchiness and vast amounts of violence that adds to its mad dash concoction.
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Another Earth (2011) – Review

February 27, 2012 in Drama, Reviews, SciFi

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3 1/2 Stars

While driving home from a party, intoxicated teenager Rhoda Williams hears a radio broadcast stating the finding of a planet in our solar system that is exactly like our own, Another Earth. As her head turns to the sky she fails to see the car stopped at the intersection and she slams head-on into it killing John Burroughs’ family, and leaving him in a coma. Four years later she is released from prison as Earth 2, as the media is now calling it, is edging itself closer and closer. Trying to make peace with her past she approaches John, but in a moment of weakness lies. Under the false pretenses of being a maid, Rhoda weaves her way into his life and the two help each other deal with the devastating past as the rest of the world looks to the future. Rhoda sets out on a path of redemption against the science fiction backdrop of the discovery of a planet that mirror ours, providing everyone a chance for a second start.
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Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace 3D (2012) – Review

February 20, 2012 in Action, Family, Reviews, SciFi

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3 Stars

To 3d or not to see? That is the 12 dollar question for most casual moviegoers. The answer is …sort of. If you already harbor a disdain for this episode then no amount of visual trickery is going to change your mind. The negative critical reaction that greeted Phantom Menace when it premiered in May 1999 was as venomous as any in recent memory. Fanboys turned their back on the venerable franchise and focused their attention on the ‘fresh’ ideas presented by The Matrix.
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Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991) – Review

February 19, 2012 in Reviews, SciFi

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4 Stars

Of all movies in the original Star Trek saga the Nicolas Meyer directed films are not only the best written in the series, they are also the most polished in terms of film-making. In the thrilling second installment we were introduced to the greatest villain in the franchise with Khan. Much like the James Bond films each Star Trek chapter is defined by the villain to an extent. And with this entry we are given General Chang one of the all-time great bad guys and with the performance by Christopher Plummer we have arguably the classiest thespian to ever enter the Trek universe.
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Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986) – Review

February 19, 2012 in Reviews, SciFi

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3 1/2 Stars

A funny word kept creeping into my mind as I watched Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, ‘whimsical’. The goofy story involves a ton of whimsy and humor in turning the Star Trek formula and series on its head. Having only a vague connection to the other films in the franchise, this entry serves as a side story with no real bearing other than to have some fun with these very well-known characters. After facing trial for his actions in the last installment, namely stealing a starship, Kirk is demoted from Admiral to Captain and given back control of the Enterprise. This well crafted sequel is all action in an elongated opening sequence set in space. But when the Enterprise crew returns to 20th century Earth to save the almost extinct whales, the story perks up, takes on a good humored, emotional dimension and soars.
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Metal Shifters (2011) – Review

February 8, 2012 in Horror, Reviews, SciFi

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1 Star

Originally titled Iron Invader, but more appropriately renamed Metal Shifters this flick opens with brothers Jake and Ethan doing some light construction when they spot a falling meteor crashing to Earth. After investigating the meteor turns out to be a pile of metal junk with some green paint (or alien bacteria as the movie suggests) smeared on it. They decide to sell it to the old man in the junkyard, who happens to be welding together a large robot statue that he explains is a golem (what great foreshadowing). Soon the blood thirsty green paint alien bacteria is possessing the statue and chasing down every victim in sight. Who will survive to stop this behemoth?
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The Thing (2011) – Review

February 7, 2012 in Horror, Reviews, SciFi

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1 1/2 Stars

The Thing starts off with a fantastic pre title sequence, full of tension, spectacle and a forbidding sense of isolation. It then proceeds to dissipate that great opening and is content to rest on its laurels for the rest of the way. It’s a lazy effort that is both overly familiar and boring for large stretches of its drawn out running-time. To be fair this isn’t a sequel or reboot to the John Carpenter film but yet a prequel. In actuality it most closely resembles an Alien film with a determined heroine stalking about strapped with a flame thrower. Featuring a nearly all Norwegian cast this is practically a foreign film, the characters aren’t defined clearly through the script and the cast of smiliar looking actors only adds to the confusion. Even Joel Edgerton, who was so magnetic in Warrior, is rendered ineffective and bland in this his second feature film.
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2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) – Review

February 6, 2012 in Action, Horror, Reviews, SciFi

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1 Star

A group of students aboard a U.S. educational vessel on a ocean trip to study aquatic life discover the presence of the ultra rare and extra vicious 2 headed shark of the title. After an intial encounter with the sea beast causes damage to their vessel the students and their teacher abandon the ship for refuge on a deserted atoll. However, said land mass is suffering from some serious seismic activity, the ground seems to be opening up before them. Forcing these marooned students to enter the dangerous ocean waters in order to make it back aboard the ship they abandoned in the first place. If that seems a little redundant it’s appropriate as this whole movie borrows stock footage from other Asylum films to pad the stretched out plot points.
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Midnight Chronicles (2010) – Review

February 2, 2012 in Action, Family, Horror, Reviews, SciFi

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2 1/2 Stars

Midnight Chronicles is a curiously low-key, yet ambitiously mounted medieval drama with the complex mythology of a cable miniseries mixed with the off beat style of David Lynch’s eccentric Dune adaptation. Audience members not familiar with the source material may not recognize this film as having an association to the Dungeons and Dragons role playing game Midnight. It’s telling that the producers didn’t use the D&D moniker anywhere in the title. Perhaps it was a conscious effort to distance this movie from the horrendous previous films that have fallen under that banner. Whatever the case, Midnight Chronicles is a better picture that strains to tell its elaborate story within the limitations of its obviously inadequate budget.
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Abelar: Tales of an Ancient Empire (2010) – Review

January 25, 2012 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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1 Star

Albert Pyun’s Tales of an Ancient Empire is the biggest cinematic letdown of this young year and I fear it will end up on my worst of list next December. Not familiar with Pyun’s work? I’ll bet you’ve seen at least one of his movies on cable sometime during the last thirty years. Pyun’s biggest hits include Cyborg, Nemesis, and The Sword and the Sorcerer. If those titles don’t ring a bell than surely the names Charlie Sheen, Jean Claude Van Damme, Steven Seagal, Rutger Hauer and Christopher Lambert are recognizable. These are just a handful of big names Pyun has worked with in the course of a career spanning three decades. Seemingly every actor ever assembled for a Pyun film makes an appearance in Tales of an Ancient Empire, the reported semi-sequel to The Sword and the Sorcerer.
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In the Name of the King II: Two Worlds (2011) – Review

January 13, 2012 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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3 Stars

Anyone who claims Uwe Boll is the worst director of all time hasn’t seen enough movies. I would argue that Roland Emmerich is just as critically derived, but alas that debate leads to madness. In the Name of the King II: Two Worlds is actually a much better film than the original. It’s true the first had a larger budget with a big name cast, but that picture moved in ebbs and flows and for the majority of it’s 156 minute running time it was just plain dull. This sequel is an outlandish tale that is far more streamlined and very amusing. Personally I loved the tongue in cheek touches in the witty script by longtime special effects guru turned scribe Michael Nachoff. If you’re wondering if this is a true sequel or a cash grab to pull in fans of the original, I’d say it’s both. There is no real reason this couldn’t have been titled just Two Worlds, however there is a minor revelation that Dolph’s character Granger is the son of Jason Statham’s character from the first film. Turns out old Dolph was born in the ancient days but hidden in an orphanage in present day America. Judging by that last sentence you’ll know if King 2 is your kind of movie.
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Cowboys & Aliens (2011) – Review

December 11, 2011 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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2 1/2 Stars

Cowboys & Aliens comes complete with all the elements needed to make a successful western and science fiction film; yet it’s unable to accomplish either. It arrives on the screen in a curiously low-key manner and just sits there. Professionally moving about its various plot points, but generating little interest and not before long, viewers discover this is going to be a paced derivative cowboy movie and a subpar alien invasion story. It is, dare I say, a traditional western in the style of silver screen classics of the genre. That is until those pesky aliens show up and turn the town and the film upside down. There was however an enormous amount of striking imagery throughout. Admittedly there is an eerie quality to shots of futuristic flying vessels hovering over a cattle town in the 1800′s. Daniel Craig inflicts an American accent very well, he struts through the role with a certain bravado and I think he is surprisingly well cast. It’s the story that fails them and director Favreau.
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Big Trouble in Little China (1986) – Review

November 6, 2011 in Action, Comedy, Reviews, SciFi

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3 1/2 Stars

“You know what ol’ Jack Burton always says in a time like this?” Enjoy the camp. Kurt Russell is Jack Burton in John Carpenter’s Big Trouble in Little China. Jack Burton is a truck driver that stops in San Francisco’s Chinatown and hooks up with his friend Wang Chi (Dennis Dun). The two men head off to pick up Wang’s fiancée at the airport, but things go terribly wrong. A Chinatown gang led by an ancient supernatural being, David Lo Pan (James Hong), kidnaps Wang’s fiancée. Burton is dragged into a supernatural war between good and evil. However, Burton doesn’t go into the fight alone, he has Gracie Law (Kim Cattrall) providing moral support and good-guy magician Egg Shen (Victor Wong) as back-up.
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Tekken (2010) – Review

November 3, 2011 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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3 Stars

Good casting and slick production values elevate this routine fight film to the level of Bloodsport and other notable pictures in the genre. Director Dwight Little is no stranger to this type of movie after having been the guiding force on the above average Brandon Lee flick Rapid Fire and the Jamaican themed Seagal starrer Marked for Death. In the future eight corporations have taken control of the world and the Tekken Corp. has seized American territories. Fascism is the rule of the day and people are forced to live in fear of illegal searches and no justice system.
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Darkening Sky (2010) – Review

November 2, 2011 in Horror, Reviews, SciFi

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3 Stars

This nightmarish tale dealing with alien abduction is more of the cerebral variety than is the norm for the genre complete with one of the biggest ‘wow’ endings since The Arrival. Rider Strong (Cabin Fever, Boy Meets World) is Eric, a college student obsessed with UFO’s and cultural anthropology. Confronted with the fact that aliens may have abducted his girlfriend, Eric begins a quest to find the truth about the disappearance and a series of strange lights in an ever darkening sky.
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Avatar (2009) – Review

November 1, 2011 in Action, Family, Reviews, SciFi

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4 Stars

James Cameron’s first film in 12 years is a mesmerizing experience filled with some of the most visually brilliant images to have ever graced the big-screen. Riding in on a tidal wave of hype and expectations Avatar manages to meet and surpass any preconceived assumptions. Cameron single handily reinvigorated the 3D format in creating an immersive and stunning visual design, with a story that lends itself to indulgences in ‘showy’ sequences. The taming of a wild bird and the battle to save an ancient tree are just a few of the amazing set pieces in this long but briskly paced Sci-fi epic.
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Arena (2011) – Review

October 11, 2011 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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3 Stars

Arena knows what it wants to accomplish and does so with professionalism, style and a fair amount of ingenuity. Although the film plays like Saw meets Gladiator, it also owes more than a little to films like Cube and Fortress. Twilight bruiser Kellan Lutz is David Lord, a rugby playing Denver fire fighter who loses his pregnant wife in a terrible car accident. Despondent and severely drunk he winds up in a Mexico bar with the intention of drinking himself to death. While flashing a wallet full of cash he attracts the attention of a corrupt bouncer who attempts a robbery in the bathroom. After making quick work of the hulking attacker, David is drugged and kidnapped only to awaken a prisoner and unwilling contestant in an underground fighting tournament.
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TC 2000 (1993) – Review

October 10, 2011 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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1 1/2 Stars

In a future where the streets are controlled by violent gangs, civilized folks have moved underground and are protected by a fascist police force known as ‘The Trackers’. TC 2000 is the kind of early 1990s relic that features cheap set design, over-dramtaic lighting, bad fight choreography and outlandish wardrobe choices. In fact the futuristic headsets equipped with camera and microphone that every officer wears is nothing more than a standard Century brand kickboxing headgear. It would be humorous if the whole thing weren’t so derivative and depressing. This is a film that trots out the likes of Bolo Yeung and Matthias Hues yet would rather focus on Billy Blanks and the far less charismatic Jalal Merhi.
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Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) – Review

October 8, 2011 in Reviews, SciFi

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3 1/2 Stars

After noting in my review of Star Trek: The Motion Picture that Spock’s presence was perfunctory, the inverse is true of this smashing sequel. Mr. Spock is the lynchpin of the film and his final scenes are among the most moving moments in the franchise’s long standing history. This time around the filmmakers have honed a great story and script that recalls and superbly captures the essences of the original series. Kirk (Shatner), Spock (Nimoy) and the entire crew of the U.S.S. Starship Enterprise are forced into battle with an old foe in Khan, played with zeal by the magnetic Ricardo Montalban.
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Prayer of the Rollerboys (1990) – Review

October 7, 2011 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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2 1/2 Stars

In the not too distant future the children of an economic crash have risen and formed a nazi-ish gang known as the Rollerboys. They dress like Clockwork Orange wannabes and they travel in packs on rollerblades. The leader of the group (an arian poster child) is a charismatic kid that preaches strength through unity and sobriety but his posse makes a profit selling the designer drug known as Myst.
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Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) – Review

October 4, 2011 in Reviews, SciFi

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3 Stars

The inaugural big screen voyage of the Starship Enterprise is a fairly dull and straight forward science fiction tale full of elements Trekkies will cherish but destined to leave newbies to the series out in the cold. After a slow moving first act that takes forty minutes of screen time to gather all the original members of the cast and set up a weak personal conflict between Capt Kirk and a younger Capt Dekker. The film finally blast off and is able to maintain interest throughout it’s elongated 145 minute running time. The script for this was original conceived as a pilot for a proposed second Star Trek Television series titled Phase II. Sensing they had a hit on the level of Star Wars Paramount quickly pushed and expanded the screenplay to fit a feature length film. Which may explain why Star Trek: The Motion Picture is such a curiously disjointed movie. The film looks great the producers must have thrown millions of dollars at this lavish production. Yet, it’s a shame they didn’t spend as much time on script and character development.
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Dragon Crusaders (2011) – Review

September 28, 2011 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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3 Stars

It’s been a while since I’ve seen a good sword and sandals flick from The Asylum, and Dragon Crusaders delivers the goods. Asylum Hard Knocks alumni Mark Atkins (Battle of Los Angeles, Princess Of Mars) pulls out all the stops available for a two week shoot and creates an interesting movie both on the page and on the screen. A group of knights stumble onto a village being attacked by pirates and decide to help out (the villagers, not the pirates). After boarding the pirate’s yacht they’re accidentally cursed by a witch. One by one they begin to turn into gargoyle-like flying creatures. In order to break the spell they must defeat the evil wizard and his dragons.
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Universal Soldier: The Return (1999) – Review

August 8, 2011 in Action, Reviews, SciFi

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2 Stars

The low-budget sequel Universal Solider:The Return is a disappointing followup that seems more like a candidate for straight-to-DVD release rather than a theatrical run. Van Damme once again stars playing Lt. Luc Deveraux a former Universal Solider or UniSol now a single father who trains the newer generations of automated warriors. The Return is also the completion of Van Damme’s seven picture contract with Columbia Pictures which is the main reason this film ever saw the light of day. It’s an underproduced, shoddy affair that contains a few moments of interest but no brains. The plot concerns Deveraux and his battle with a super computer named S.E.T.H. (think HAL).Van Damme’s last big screen appearance is a sad send off for one of the decades hardest working muscle bound actors. In the course of nine years the prolific big man released sixteen movies. All of which are superior to this one.
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Ticking Clock (2011) – Review

August 2, 2011 in Drama, Reviews, SciFi

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2 Stars

Cuba Gooding Jr. returns again in yet another direct-to-DVD thriller this time reteaming with frequent collaborator director Ernie Barbarash (Hardwired). Would you kill a little boy if you knew that he would one day grow up to be a serial killer? That is the intriguing premise for Ticking Clock an odd, well made thriller with a sci-fi angle that pulls the rug out from unsuspecting viewers. Gooding is Lewis Hicks an investigative reporter not much liked by the police force nor his own family. After his mistress is murdered for her involvement in freeing a child molester; Hicks becomes engulfed in finding the serial killer also responsible for several other heinous murders. That the fugitive seemingly vanishes into thin air is one of the many troubling aspects for Hicks as he tries to present a logical explanation to police. Read the rest of this entry →

 

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) – Review

July 22, 2011 in Action, Family, Reviews, SciFi

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4 Stars

The latest from Marvel Studios is a true gem. A rip roaring good time with knowing nods to Raiders of The Lost Ark, Star Wars and countless Marvel characters. Square jawed Chris Evans is perfectly cast as Steve Rodgers, a 90 pound weakling too fragile to enlist in the war effort. Until his dogged determination and inner courage gain him admission into the service and propel him as front runner for a highly secret experiment to morph men into ‘Superheroes’. Dr. Abraham Erskine (touchingly played by Stanley Tucci) a German scientist now working with the US Military is the first to spot the potential in the undersized Rodgers. However it proves far tougher to persuade Colonel Phillips (an underused Tommy Lee Jones) that the best man for the job isn’t the best soldier. Read the rest of this entry →

 

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) – Review

July 15, 2011 in Action, Family, Reviews, SciFi

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3 1/2 Stars

Spanish Director Alfonso Cuaron’s crack at the Harry Potter series results in a rousing good time that is notably darker and far more serious than previous installments. This time around Harry and his cohorts Hermonie and Ron are thrust into a plot that sees them fighting off floating spirits and escaped convicts in the continuing battle against Lord Voldermort and his heathens. Deviating from the (relative) innocence and bright colored platte established by Chris Columbus and his crew over the first two films, Prisoner of Azkaban is void of sunlight or any vibrant images. The entire film has a hazy, overcast sheen that cast it’s leads in pale hues. The colors become so washed out it virtually becomes a black and white film for long stretches. Which is appropriate given the power struggle between forces of good and evil that dominates the majority of the picture.
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