Where to watch Barely Legal
1 1/2 Stars
WARNING: The following review is for a film that is almost soft-core porn. I’m sure some of you are turning away already, but not out of any moral dilemma. This simply isn’t the Barely Legal you were searching for. (“Ahhh, only soft-core, damn”)
Barely Legal is a disappointment after a string of decent teen sex comedies from The Asylum. The film tries to hard with the t and a forgetting that what makes these little comedies great is their soft under belly (actually plenty of soft and hard under bellies here). The characters are incredibly unengaging and had this been a horror film, you wouldn’t care one way or another if they got killed off (actually, you’d hope for it). Barely Legal is about a girl threesome of seventeen year olds who are turning eighteen, live in a giant mansion, and all decide to loose their virginities at their big birthday bash (honestly this is so commonplace in the real world, I know I’m getting tired of being invited to these kind of shindigs). They all give off an air of sluttyness, even the devout Christian. To be completely truthful and vulgar: these girls want the cock (which isn’t out of line for this review, you did Google “Barely Legal” after all). The way these ladies parade around in and out of lingerie I can’t understand how they are still virgins (believable only if they’re “everything but” virgins).
Where are these girls parents? They’re just turning eighteen yet they live in a humungous mansion all alone? This movie makes no attempts to be good, let alone make sense. I know, you’re thinking “but it’s called Barely Legal, what did you expect?”. Honestly a lot more. Writer Naomi Selfman also penned #1 Cheerleader Camp and 18 Year Old Virgin (which is a much better version of this concept). Both films I enjoyed, both also had more content, were actually funny and had charm that was sorely lacking here. This is an Asylum production so I should note the limited budget and time constraints, but with how many movies these guys turn out they know how to deal with these issues and shouldn’t be allowed to use them as a crutch any longer.
Even with all the nudity I was still bored out of my mind (sorry ladies, you did look great). There isn’t even a single line or delivery worth mentioning. Barely Legal is most definitely a cut below the rest. Skip this movie, it’s not even worth it with a few beers. (And now you’ll click the back button and cruise Google for the real “Barely Legal”… You disgust me, let me know what you find)
Director: Jose Montesinos
Stars: Jeneta St. Clair, Lisa Younger, Melissa Johnston
I need porn asap