1313: Cougar Cult (2012) – Review

Where to watch 1313: Cougar Cult

1/2 Star

1313: Cougar Cult brings together three great (as in old, cougar old) scream queens Brinke Stevens, Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer as a cult (c’mon, three is more of a group or a gang than a cult) who prey on younger men to stay young themselves. Three “nerdy” college kids are hired by the cult for summer jobs at their mansion. Unfortunately for the guys the gals turn into flesh eating cougars (the cats) with an appetite for the fresh young meat that will let them live forever.

This movie has one of the cheapest “shot-on-video” looks I’ve seen. The acting is atrocious, the direction is abhorrent and the story is completely absent. But let’s be honest, none of that is what 1313: Cougar Cult is about. This is an incredibly homoerotic soft core porn disguised as some sort of supernatural horror/suspense flick (which you should be able to tell from the artwork). The scream queens are immediately pushed to the side for long sequences of young men lathering themselves up in the shower or writhing around naked in bed. It’s pretty apparent early on that this film is made for a certain audience, and that audience isn’t interesting in a mind blowing experience (they want to blow something else). I don’t really understand why they would hire scream queens for this flick, or even have cougars in it at all.

Director David DeCoteau’s directorial style has gone way downhill, if you could argue he had any to begin with. His background includes Full Moon pics such as a few in the Puppet Master series, Dr. Alien, Creepozoids and many others. He’s also made a fair share of homoerotic horror flicks though, so the 1313 series of films aren’t out of sorts for him. The shocker here is just how bad these are. No work has been put into 1313: Cougar Cult, at least none anyone should be proud of. The issue here isn’t the gay undertones, it’s the total lack of story, cinematography and care that went into this production.

If you’re a gay man looking to get off, then 1313: Cougar Cult might be right up your alley. I for sure won’t be watching any other 1313 movies though.

Director: David DeCoteau
Stars: Brinke Stevens, Linnea Quigley, Michelle Bauer