Where to watch Valentine
3 Stars
Valentine’s Day 1988: At the school dance, geeky Jeremy Melton bravely faces one rejection after the other when asking four popular girls to dance with him. A fifth girl, plump and insecure, agrees, but they end up making out under the bleachers. When a group of school bullies catches them, the girl claims that Jeremy attacked her. This causes them to strip off his clothes and beat him up in front of the entire school. Flash forward to 2001. We meet the five girls who were in that school gym: Kate, Paige, Shelly, Lily and the formerly plump Dorothy. They are all in their 20’s now and trying to sort out their love lives, which is appropriate, since Valentine’s Day is coming up. After a disastrous date with a loser, one of the girls, a pre-med student, is murdered by a Cherub-mask wearing killer who sent her a death threat in the form of a Valentine card prior to the attack. After the four remaining girls are reunited at her funeral, they all start receiving threatening cards and messages. At first they don’t know who would want to hurt them, but eventually they figure that maybe Jeremy is responsible. Police records show that Jeremy has completely disappeared, so no one knows what he looks like. Could the formerly nerdish Jeremy have had plastic surgery and turned into one of the girls’ handsome boyfriends? Who ever it is, the lone survivor has to put a stop to this spurned individual’s murder spree before she, too, becomes a valentine to die for.
Valentine is a slasher movie for the Y2K-era teens. The film is very well cast, a credit to director Jamie Blanks, with each lead actress likable and able to play vulnerable when the script calls for it. The fact that we actually care for all four female members of this friend group goes a long way in keeping the audience’s attention as we try to figure out who will become the ‘final girl.’
Denise Richards brings a smoldering sensuality to the film that makes the whole enterprise feel more like an adult erotic thriller and less like a teen slasher flick. But alas, that’s exactly what Valentine aspires to be, and it’s a mostly successful addition to the genre. David Boreanaz, a perennial TV favorite, is ok in the film, but he is upstaged by the vibrant Marley Shelton when they share scenes together. Valentine is a stylish thriller with attractive stars and a lot of bloodletting.
Directed by: Jamie Blanks
Written by: Tom Savage, Donna Powers, Wayne Powers
Starring: Denise Richards, David Boreanaz, Marley Shelton