1 1/2 Stars
Paul Sapiano’s second time in the directorial chair spawns a sophomoric comedy lacking both the tact of a Judd Apatow production and the witty dialogue of a Kevin Smith script. Hollywood Sex Wars is a poorly constructed excuse to show plenty of T and A (there’s a poor excuse for that?) without any sort of intelligence getting in the way. The plot of the movie pits a group of unsuccessful-in-the-bedroom men (one glance at any of these gentlemen and you’ll know why) against an organized group of physically beautiful women. No one in either group has any level of intelligence, this includes the leaders, which impacts on the like-ability of the characters.
The men have Johnny Eyelash (for real) giving away all his secrets to getting girls in bed. These secrets mainly consist of buying things for girls, taking girls on expensive vacations, and buying drugs for girls. Essentially spend money and that’ll get you girls (I wasn’t aware this was a secret). The girls are being organized into a sort of hot girl union by Big Wendy and Little Wendy (for real for real). What’s their aim? They want to get these girls money and things in exchange for sex. Wait, wasn’t the title of this movie Hollywood Sex Wars? Where’s the war? The men are willing to pay for sex. The women want money for sex. The standard partier-sex-addicted young person stereotype is applied to all characters resulting in several cringe inducing moments of dialogue in entire cringe inducing scenes.
The film is shown in an ultra-wide 2.4:1 aspect ratio and shot extremely close-up and shakily (seriously, it even distracts from the nudity). Taking off the 2.4 crop and letting the picture breath in standard 16×9 would help quite a bit, but the shaky camera and extremely frantic editing make the movie almost impossible to watch and engage with. The first forty minutes are incredibly crass and give you no reason to care for any of the characters. At forty minutes in the movie attempts to show a softer side, but it’s too little too late. The only thing this film has going for it is the use of bookends, the opening scene tying into the last scene stays true to the film while also incorporating the softer turn at the end.
Overall I’d skip Hollywood Sex Wars, it’s hardly worth it even for the T and A. And if you think getting drunk and watching this with your friends could be fun, the shaky camera and quick cuts will prove hard to follow while under the influence (that includes other things that just alcohol).
Director: Paul Sapiano
Stars: Mario Diaz, Jenae Altschwager, Eli Jane