The Babymakers (2012) – Review

2 Stars

Tommy (Paul Schneider) and Audrey (Olivia Munn) have decided to finally do it, no not anal, have a baby. With this decision made, they begin to have sex, lots of sex. After almost a year, they still haven’t conceived. The pair begin to wonder what the problem can be, and so they agree to get checked out. The doctors report comes back with Audrey being fine, but Tommy’s sperm aren’t doing so well. Fortunately Tommy used to donate to a local sperm bank in order to pay for Audrey’s engagement ring. Unfortunately someone has already bought the last remaining sample of Tommy’s good seed. Now Tommy’s only recourse is to break into the sperm bank and steal back his little men. With the help of his close friends and an insane ex-mafia Indian (Jay Chandrasekhar) Tommy will do anything to impregnate his wife with his child. Will they be successful in becoming The Babymakers?

The Babymakers misses the mark. It’s not that the flick doesn’t have its funny moments, but they are few and in between. This thing is incredibly slow, filled to the brim with wasted moments and boring filler. The story doesn’t get to the idea of robbing the sperm bank until well into the second act. It’s apparent the screenwriters don’t have a good feeling for what their characters really want, and thus no one in the film is pushing or reaching for anything with any sort of urgency.

Tommy has no real motivation for wanting his own sperm back, he just doesn’t seem to have his heart fully vested in it. And Audrey doesn’t seem to be that worried about it either. The film has done such a great job of casting these characters in the mold of a perfect couple. They seem to be able to keep the status quo without any effort. Both are so laid back and incredibly easy going. They are too perfect for each other, which leads to zero friction between them about the inability to conceive a child.

It’s this nicety of the main characters that causes the biggest issue with this so called comedy. There’s simply no room for laughs as these two are too busy getting along with one another. It’s almost a “duh” moment with they come to the conclusion they should adopt. This seemed to be the most logical ending to the film, but the filmmakers steer away from this and into a far more illogical finale. This movie needed to be more “out there”, rather it was too grounded in reality and ultimately suffered for it.

As much as I adore Olivia Munn as a personality, whenever she gets in front of the camera in a fictional portrayal she clams up with an odd robotic coldness. She needs to relax and let herself go. The same can be said for Pail Schneider’s performance. Strangely the pair do make a perfect couple on screen, unfortunately they are far too cutesy about everything, which not only gets old quickly, but their continuous dead pan deliveries pull any warmth out of the characters.

Just as Tommy’s sperm, The Babymakers is too slow and confused to impregnate the audience’s brain with enough laughs to make it worthwhile.

Director: Jay Chandrasekhar
Stars: Paul Schneider, Olivia Munn, Jay Chandrasekhar

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