G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013) – Review

1 Star

It’s not G.I. Joe: Retaliation‘s fault that it has the misfortune to be playing in theaters at the same time, instead of before Olympus Has Fallen, the best action movie of the year. I acknowledge it’s not fair to penalize G.I. Joe 2 for its delayed release date, then again, how can I ignore that it pales in comparison to a better movie in the marketplace or just about any other film of its type?

Cobra has infiltrated the White House and replaced the President with an imposter intent on starting a nuclear war amongst the worlds’ superpowers. Turning the special forces military unit known as the ‘Joes’ into outlaws, by publicly blaming them for an erroneous attack. The surviving three members of the unit Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Lady Jane (Adrianne Palicki) and Flint (D.J. Cotrona) are forced to recruit a veteran unit leader, Joe (Bruce Willis). Meanwhile an uninvolving redemption saga plays out between one-time brothers Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes. The focus on this aspect of the story is at first a welcomed distraction from the shoot-em’ up stuff, but ultimately turns as redundant as the rest of the film. It makes me wonder if the decision to include this subplot was in an effort to raise appeal abroad, particularly in foreign asian territories.

Months of retooling and speculated reshoots are evident in the choppy opening twenty minutes that make little sense, other than the addition and prolonging of scenes involving original star Channing Tatum and new franchise kick-starter Dwayne Johnson. That Tatum’s Duke is the superior officer to Johnson’s Roadblock is a hard bit to buy and their relationship feels forced and unconvincing. Two of today’s most charismatic actors are rendered dull by the ridiculous screenplay in this overlong and desperate attempt to wring dollars from moviegoers with a fond memory of the toys and cartoon.

I was one of the few critics to give G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra a positive review. It wasn’t a cinematic classic by any stretch, but I ranked it a notch below the original Transformers and much higher than parent company Hasbro’s Battleship film. That bomb ended up on my Worst of 2012 list and even though we are only four months into the new year. G.I. Joe: Retaliation is assured a spot on this year’s list, if not the champ.

Director: Jon M. Chu
Stars: Channing Tatum, Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis

2 thoughts on “G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013) – Review

  • April 8, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    Rise of Cobra was a guilty pleasure. It wasn’t great, but considering they slapped the script together before the writer’s strike, it was entertaining. But if this is what comes from time and the ability to plan a script, I’d rather they just not make another one.

  • April 3, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    Jason, my son and I saw this last Thursday and afterwards I felt a twinge of guilt because I thought the movie was terrible. Since then, I’ve felt vindicated having seen so many terrible ratings from people that apparently felt the same way I did.

    I agree with you that it’s very likely this will be on my Worst Of list of 2013. Terribly disappointing for a film that came with somewhat high expectations to improve upon what went wrong with the first one. Ever more terribly disappointing that G.I. Joe: Retaliation ends up making G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra look much better than it actually is.


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